Thursday, August 18, 2011

The Jokpal Tapes

UPA: "Anna, don't blackmail us by fasting."
Anna: "Arrey, I'm not trying to blackmail you. I'm just protesting."
UPA: "No, it's blackmail. You can't have everything your way."
Anna: "I'm not asking for anything my way. I just want corruption out."
UPA: "But that is what we said we will do, no? The Bill has already gone into process. It will be released in the monsoon session."
Anna: "How do you expect such a rubbish bill to be introduced when it is protecting government servants from exposure?"
UPA: "Dear Anna, please don't make this about your opinion or say about the matter. It's not you. It's an entire nation the bill is designed for. Please don't be selfish. Moreover, making laws is a prerogative of Parliament. Don't mess with the system. Simply why?"
Anna: "Selfish? If you want to take all opinions into consideration, put even ours. Let both be looked into in Parliament. Why the self privilege? Why are you protecting your people? What do you have to hide? If it's your prerogative, it's also your responsibility to do so for the benefit of the entire nation - not just your ilk. How many more scams do you want end up being smug over?"
UPA: "Annaji, this is too much. We will not allow civil people to make laws. What are parliamentarians there for?"
Anna: "If you don't agree to re-looking, I will fast. You are NOT greater than the nation."
UPA: "Arrey. Ok fine. Let's at least talk about some terms and conditions. How long do you want to carry on this fasting nonsense?"
Anna: "No. I will fast till you make the bill non-nonsensical. What do you have to protect anyhow?"
UPA: "Then we will have to take action against you."
Anna: "Go ahead. I know what I have to do, and I refuse your "terms"."

(UPA Huddle)

UPA: "Yeh Delhi DS ko bulao aur dekhlenge ki kis section invoke kar sakenge hum."
DS: "Saab, CRPC ka Section 107 hain. Uske andhar Hum Sec 151 kar sakthe."
UPA: "Hmmm. Ek aur section hain na? Section 144 kuch?"
DS: "Haan Haan. Wo bhi. Kisko jail main dalna hain abhi?"
UPA: "Arrey, yeh Anna Hazare aur unka log."
DS: "Teek hai. Aap jab bolaga."
UPA: "Haan Haan."

The police arrest him

DS: "Anna Hazare, we are arresting you under section 107/151."
Anna: " Chale."
DS (perplexed, thinks to himself): "Yeh kaise aadmi hain yaar?"

DS reports to UPA

DS: "Saab, hum arrest kar chuke."
UPA: "Kin kin logon ko arrest kar diye thum?"
DS reads out the list of people
UPA: "Acchi baat bhai. Good job. Good job."

In UPA Cabinet meeting after the ruckus

Manmohan: "Bahut thaklif kiya yeh Anna Hazare. Unho ne samjha ki Bill unka hai ki, ya pura desh ka?"
Sonia: "Aapne teek kaha, Manmohan. Kuch ko tho karna hai unko."
Manmohan: "Abhi tho jail main shanti se upvaas kar rahe hai. Jab thanda hai, thanda rehne do."
Manish: "Par PM ji, ithna gadbad karne ke bad... log kya bolenge."
Manmohan: "Manish mere bhai, chod do yeh baat. Yeh kahani kaise likke ja rahe hain, hum on-the-way kuch na kuch strategy banana padega."
Manish: "Haan PM ji, magar main tho spokesperson hoon. Mujhe tho atleast ek accha utthar dena padega na?"
Manmohan: "Main hoon na. Main sambalega."

Manish hides the expression on his face. As they walk out of the meeting, he pulls the Prime Minister to the side.

Manish: "PM ji. Suniye tho. Yeh aisa vaisa maar peetna ke liye karan dena bahut mushkil hai. Main kya bolu media logon ko?"
Manmohan (puts hands round his shoulders): "Dekh. Yeh sab chote mote cheez ke bare main math gabraey. Yeh sab coalition politics ka lena-dena hain."
Manish is dismayed, but holds his own.

No comments:

Post a Comment