Monday, March 25, 2013

My coming out

Note: This blogpost speaks to two particular categories of people:

1) Me and people like me with respect to my confession (to any degree)
2) Everybody else who seeks to destroy the peace in my head, when they do* 

Confession: I'm an introvert - one who has learnt to enjoy the wonders of my particular inclination (and my particular neurocognitive traits), blessing or curse. It's amazing that I have the privilege and you* should envy and try and seek a peek in too, I think. I promise an extremely fun ride. You'll be intrigued to the depths of your soul. The warning's that it might just disturb your balance of existence, so much so that you can be as scared as you act cool about shoving it aside as acceptable differences, or just plain rubbish.

The rest of the confessions:

I love silence because I get to smell the flowers, and there are more flowers than you see with plain eyes. Get the metaphor. Everything smells as sweet as its beauty and it doesn't work the other way round.

I perceive more than you* do, because that's what I do. What extra I see, that you don't, is also perfectly objective and can be seen in a easy cause and effect relationship, and can be added up to form the same whole.  

I am more fulfilled** than you*. I don't feel an incessant need to fill the cup. I am, and am not only simply what I do. That gives my actions more credit than just empty movement. I don't seek, or feel the need, to define myself other than what I am  - which is a progressive, growing and changing entity. You should come over and have a chat sometime to find out.

Yes, I do get out and give myself the air I think I deserve. The air I don't care for doesn't interest me. I don't think it's worthwhile engaging myself with something I don't think I deserve.      

Now the problem I see is that there's a natural war raging - between you* and me. You strangle my mind with the exact opposite of the things I enjoy and thrive on. You almost seek the exact opposite while hoping to achieve the same goal. I sit there and stare at you in disbelief of how mindless you and your actions can be. I cringe at the very thought of it. Sometimes, you don't really care. Your only goal is to drive away the silence; mine is to keep it. Your goal is to fill the cup; mine is to make it a spring of life in itself without having the need to fill it. You almost ignore the world that passes by, shunning it and thereby robbing it of its intrinsic layers of art; I embrace it, seeking to understand it as something that exists, other than me and my kind. You fight; I don't.        

For the others (note 2) at the beginning of the post), I have a test of wits. Let's see who lasts. It's not a competition. It's about understanding why there is a war and how there can be peace.

Answer this question: What would you do if you were given the opportunity to not have to do anything at all, completely? If I assured you every single detail was taken care of - every single one, and you had a whole month/year to just do as you please, what would you do? There will be no one to satisfy, appease or please.

Do you face a fear of self/emptiness/boredom that you dread so much that you spend your entire life avoiding it? Or are you perfectly at peace with yourself? What thoughts come to your mind when you consider the option, or is it just another something you simply brush aside?

Tell me. I want to know. While I die a slow death everyday with your incessant need for activity and movement around me, while I'm in between being thankful for surviving and remaining sane the next morning, perhaps you can end this pain for me and it can be a happy world for us both?   

Think I'm crazy with what I've said this post? I have backing with backing :) 

** fulfilled in the true sense of being filled full, not simply being constantly entertaining to my fetishes, one after the other  

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